Samuel

Two weeks ago today Samuel started finding his voice. His thoughts started finding their way into words and we were blessed and excited to hear story after story of things that took place while he was in Ethiopia. As I started to ask questions in regards to stories he was telling it became clear that I was going to have to find the right "name" for Samuel and Caleb's birth mom. I knew that they would not understand "birth mom" and so I started calling her their Ethiopian mommy. Without batting an eye, he picked up that name and used it as he talked about his experiences.

I was blown away with how far back he could remember....even sharing one story of his Ethiopian daddy, who died over 2 1/2 years ago. He shared about a pair of black boots he was given but his daddy took them away (maybe to buy food? We'll never know) and he was left with nothing but bare feet to walk on. He didn't remember his Ethiopian daddy being sick, he just said his Ethiopian mommy told him he had died and she was crying a lot. He told Grace that his Ethiopian mommy is beautiful. He shared about a fire that woke them up in the middle of the night...it was right outside of where they were staying...and it scared him. Caleb has a nasty big scar on the back of his thigh which we have learned from Samuel that it was from a hot pot of "doro wat" that was cooking on the floor and Caleb ran by and tripped and fell in it.

He shared what I believe was the trip from Addis to Awassa where they ended up in the orphanage there. He said they walked and walked and walked. Caleb was on their Ethiopian mommy's back and he would cry, cry, cry and their Ethiopian mommy gave a "penny" to a man for some bread...but Samuel was not crying and he did not get any of it. He said they were on the bus for a long time, too. He shared about a cut his Ethiopian mommy got on her foot and that it bled a lot.

He has shared so much about his time in the orphanage. They truly loved being there! They talk about a couple of older boys, with pure love in their eyes, that were clearly in charge of taking care of them and helping them (in fact, those boys and a sister were adopted by a family in Minnesota...still praying we can meet up). They taught him how to make boats out of paper, how to do all sorts of muscle strengthing exercises (Samuel can do an amazing amount of push ups!), how to play soccer, how to rap:),they cut his hair, pulled out one of his teeth and so much more that I can't think of right now! There are stories of movies watched, monkey's caught, discipline received, food eaten, babies loved (Samuel loves babies!), scars received from jumping off his top bunk and more.

In all his talking, there was one question that was not answered, one question that I felt the Lord prompting me to ask, one question that though I knew I needed to ask I feared the pain it might cause.

"Samuel, do you miss your Ethiopian mommy?"

He shook his head yes and I went a little farther..

"Samuel, are you happy or sad to be here?"

He answered happy (which blessed my heart immensely) but then he asked me if his Ethiopian mommy could come here on a plane. My heart broke. I told him that I was so sorry, but she wasn't able to come...she wouldn't be able to join us.

The walls came down and he wept. I held him and I wept, too. Wept for the pain in his heart, wept for the pain I know their Ethiopian mommy must be feeling. I held him and told him that it's okay to be sad, to miss her, to love her. We prayed together for her and for Samuel and the hurt in his heart. I told him that we could talk about her and pray for her anytime Samuel wanted. I dried his eyes and just like that, the moment was over. He was back to giggling and telling more stories and I sat sort of listening but mostly thanking God for that moment. For opening a door that I didn't know how to open and for showing me what best to say and to do in that moment. And just this morning he came to my room and shared with me that he had a dream about his Ethiopian mommy and mommy and daddy (Bryan and I). When he woke up he was sad and when he fell back asleep he couldn't see her anymore. I held him once again, I prayed for him and his Ethiopian mommy and Samuel prayed for her too. His hugs were fierce but his tears were less and he was full of smiles as we left the room! These moments are painfully precious!

(Caleb does not seem to have many memories...although he will often echo what Samuel shares about the orphanage with great excitement! One thing that we have learned since Caleb has started talking more is just exactly what his "nightmares" were/are about. In the beginning he woke up almost every night...now it is just once a week or less...but we assumed it had something to do with being sad about leaving/his new environment, etc... NOPE...it's a big frog that is scaring him in his dreams!:) We tried not to giggle...but that was not what we were expecting to hear!:))

Samuel continues to be very comfortable talking about life, both here and in Ethiopia and we are quick to encourage him and ask questions. I praise the Lord for his openness in sharing and for his ability to grieve and yet walk away with a happy heart. It is a gift from the Lord that I do not take for granted! And there are more days than not that I wonder if it is a gift that has been given to their Ethiopian mommy, too? Does she grieve but walk away with a happy heart? Has the Lord mended her broken heart through His closeness and the peace that passes understanding? More thoughts on that tomorrow...

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit."