Are We Sinning When We Don't Enjoy Our Kids?

Loaded question, huh? It's going to take a while to get to the bottom of this one...so grab your tea :) and don't disagree till you get to the end!

I am not going to go down the road of giving you a big disclaimer about how much I, of course, love my kids and how they bring joy to my heart and I am so glad that God called me to be a mom doing exactly what I am doing...because all those things are true...but, really, they have little to do with the heart of my question!(And, no, this post is not coming on the heals of a bad week!:))

Being a mom is hard...REALLY HARD!!! Not only do we have to fight our own flesh and our own sin...but we are in constant battle with our kids flesh...our kids sin. JC Ryle describes it beautifully in his book "The Duties of Parents":

"It is painful to see how much corruption and evil
there is in a young child's heart--and how soon it
begins to bear fruit!

Violent tempers,
self-will,
pride,
envy,
sullenness,
passion,
idleness,
selfishness,
deceit,
cunning,
falsehood,
hypocrisy,
a terrible aptness to learn what is bad,
a painful slowness to learn what is good,
a readiness to pretend anything in order to gain
their own ends--all these things, or some of them,
you must be prepared to see, even in your own
children! In little ways, they will creep out at a
very early age! It is almost startling to observe
how naturally they seem to spring up.

Children require no schooling to learn to sin.

You must not think it a strange and unusual thing,
that their little hearts are so full of sin. It is the
only portion which our father Adam left us; it is that
fallen nature with which we come into the world; it
is that inheritance which belongs to us all.

Never listen to those who tell you your children are good.
Think rather that their hearts are always inflammable as
tinder. At their very best, they only need a spark to set
their corruptions on fire! Parents are seldom too cautious.
Remember the natural depravity of your children, and
take care."

I have six of the above mentioned running around my house all day!:) Many times it feels as though there is not much to enjoy...it's more of a determination to train, exhort, teach, encourage, instruct, referee and just get through the day without my own sin hanging all out! Sometimes it can feel like trial upon trial of various kinds!:) And trials take me to the book of James...specifically chapter 1 verses 3-5:

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Thought number one: The joy is not in the trials...it's in what they produce. Jesus himself endured the cross (not enjoyed it) for the joy set before Him (Hebrews 12:2).

Thought number two: Scripture tells us NOT to grow weary in doing good because God knew that we WOULD grow weary (thanks, mom, for that insight!).

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

Thought number three: We have long bought into the world's lie that we should be happy and, if we are not happy...if we are not finding pleasure in what we are doing...than we need to stop doing it or figure something else out because we must be doing something wrong.

Honestly, that lie has been embedded into the very foundation of how we think and it breeds discontentment in our hearts all the time. Pleasure and enjoyment is not the "end game" for the believer. The end game is to be "holy as He is holy"(1 Peter 1:16) and the life God has called us to is one of denying self, taking up our cross and following Him (Luke 9:23). In fact, that is the premises of two books we own by Gary Thomas..."Sacred Marriage" and "Sacred Parenting". The front covers sum up the theme of the books:

"What if God designed parenting (marriage) to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

Will we, many times, be happy in our marriages and, in regards to this post, in our parenting? You bet. Life is precious...our children are precious gifts. God's Word is clear that they are a blessing and if you have them, you can "Amen" that truth! But they must never be looked to to bring us joy and happiness. Only Jesus can do that!

So, I believe that our hearts can be freed up a bit as moms knowing that we are not sinning (or are bad moms) when we do not always enjoy our kids...there are many times they are just not enjoyable (and many times we are not either!). We do sin, though, when we are joyless...we sin when we place our hope for pleasure in our relationship with our kids...we sin when we do not set the Lord always before us and look to HIM to fill our heart with true delight and joy!