I have had many people comment on how much more time I must have with 4 of the kids going to school. Well...the jury is in and the verdict is....NOT REALLY!:)
Let me clarify,though. While I do not feel like a have a large quantity of extra time, I do feel like the quality of the time I do have is a sweet gift! I do not have 6 children competing for my attention and my help with their schoolwork, I only have 2. So, for instance, when I am reading to the boys I am not thinking, in the back of my head, about the 4 other kids who are waiting for help and needing me. I have realized over the last couple of weeks that I actually LIKE reading to the boys.:) I feel like I can really "be all there" in the moment I am in.
I am very thankful for the the quality of time I am able to devote to the boys...they are learning to read (and one is struggling something fierce) and, as a result, they need help with almost everything they do. So, although the material itself is so much easier than in the higher grades, because of the "not reading" curve, it takes a long time to get through it all each day.
There have been several days already where I have wished they could read and I find myself quick to frustration, impatience, and a raised voice of anger. And, through it all, God is humbling me and teaching me what I already know and yet so quickly forget...I don't sin because of what others do to me or the pressures that are all around me...I sin because I am a sinner and it is already in my heart. God has been reminding me this week that He can use only 2 children just as much as He can use 6 children to draw out what is in my heart so I can see my sin and my utter need to be totally dependent on God at all moments each and every day. Days like today I feel like I will never learn the lesson's God continues to patiently teach me. Yet I know, as I shared before, that He will finish the good work He has begun in my life and that He promises to "blot out (my) transgressions for (His) own sake; and (He) will not remember (my) sins" (Isaiah 43:25)
Praise God that, although life may not slow "down", we can fix our eyes "up" and soar on eagle's wings!
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