Where do we go from here?

I write this post with grief that is still very real. We came home on Friday and it is amazing just how easily tears keep coming. The bunk beds set up and ready to go...comforters and all, the drawers and closets with lots of extra clothes in them, our collage of pictures of the boys on our fridge, their stuffed animals, special cups and odds and ends we had been saving up to take to Ethiopia in bags in our bedroom closet. They all have brought fresh reminders of what is never going to be.

But I can also tell you that the hope we have in Christ is greater still. While we are ever increasing in our knowledge and understanding of Him as we read and study His Word, we have a firm foundation in our knowledge of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. We believe the precious truths in His Word that all His ways are perfect, that He is a gracious God... slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. That there is no plan that can usurp His decrees and that He is forever Sovereign, always faithful, never sleeping, all powerful and even His "foolishness" is wiser than the wisest man. He is worthy of all of our trust and all of our praise. In Him there is no shifting shadows...He is the constant One. He may not give us all that we want, but He ALWAYS gives us all that we need...namely, HIMSELF!!!

And, knowing those truths makes it possible to take the next step. Makes it possible to trust in the Lord with all our hearts, leaning not on our own understanding. It causes us to be completely dependent on Him, acknowledging Him each step of the way knowing that He will direct our paths. That He will light our way. That He will gently lead us into the plans He has for us.

Having said that, I wanted to share with you what the next course of action is regarding our adoption. I will be honest, I do this with a bit of an anxious heart for a couple of reasons: I think there are some who would see this "closed door" and believe that God must be closing the door on our adoption as a whole. When we started this process it was because we believed God was calling us to adopt. As the process got underway, we believed it to be the Lord's will that we were to adopt S and C. While we see today that His will for us does not include those precious boys, we know that His purposes have been accomplished through that process and we believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are still to adopt. The faces may change, but the calling has not. I also am concerned that there may be those who feel jumping "right back into the process" does not give enough time to "grieve" or that it just shows impatience. Or that some may feel we are not content with the precious children we do have. But, I really do want to continue to be honest and transparent throughout this process and leave the rest up to the Lord.

We are joyfully, tearfully, expectantly and cautiously continuing to pursue adoption because we believe that is what God has called us to...and there is no place we'd rather be than in His will...however painful it may be at times! At this point, all we have really "lost" is time. All of the money invested still "carries over". Essentially, we are back into a phase of waiting. Waiting for children who need a mommy and daddy, who need a family to call theirs. We are also ammending our home study. Right now we are approved (by the US Government) to adopt 2 siblings (boy/boy, boy/girl, or girl/girl) between the ages of 1-8. We want to extend the age from birth - 10 (who knows how long this might take!) as well as opening things up to two unrelated children or siblings.

This could be a long waiting process...but we are also praying that it would be God's will to graciously give us a referral in the next two weeks. I know that sounds crazy and even in my own heart, it would feel like almost a miracle, but I know that anything is possible with God. If we had a referral before June 1st, CWA says that we would have a court date before the courts close in August and, therefore, would probably be heading to Ethiopia in the fall. If it is past June, we will have to wait for the courts to reopen and, it would become more unlikely (of course, with God...anything can happen!!!) be able to bring children home till after the new year. That would put us in the position of having to renew/redo things like fingerprints, FBI checks...things that expire after one year.

But we also know that the Lord uses everything, including waiting to make us more like Him and to teach us and grow us in ways we would not otherwise. So, we will pray for patience and wait with patience knowing what we already know to be so true...that God's timing is never too late or too early...it's always perfectly right on time! Would you join us in praying...praying for 2 little boys and a mom half way around the world that have left a print on all of our hearts and for 2 little lambs that live in the same time zone...that God would unite us in HIS perfect timing?!!

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5