Remembering our baby boy

Today marks the 10 anniversary of our first born son going home to be with Jesus...I thought it would be a fitting time to take some of what I wrote in his baby album the month after he died and transfer it to this blog and share with you all God's plan for our first baby...

We found out that I was pregnant the beginning of March (1999). We were so excited! At my first doctors appointment in April we heard Garett's heartbeat. It was one of the most incredible, beautiful sounds I had ever heard; and to know that the heartbeat we heard was coming from our baby - a life God had allowed us to create - brought joy beyond measure and gave us hearts of praise to God for the miracle He gave us in giving our baby life. In that moment, when I heard his little heart, I fell head over heels in love with him and knew that my life would never be the same but would be more richer and fuller and blessed...so very blessed!

I first felt Garett kick on July 4th, two days before my first ultrasound. It felt so amazing and I couldn't wait to tell my doctor. On July 6th, we finally got to see our baby at the ultrasound. There are no words to describe how special it was...to see our baby moving around, sucking his thumb...tears of love, pride and joy ran down my face as I watched our precious son move around. Everything looked perfect, but it was not. Our doctor noticed some problems with Garett's brain and and appointment was made for the very next day to see a specialist.

As we drove home we were both stunned. I remember crying tears...tears of fear, tears of uncertainty. Was our baby mentally retarded? Was it just a common problem that could be easily fixed or was it worse?

The specialist performed a second level ultrasound the next morning (praise the Lord for a cancelation that got us in that quick)and, despite our questions and our fears, my heart lept with joy to see our baby again. He was so beautiful and the pictures we were seeing were so clear!

After the tests were performed the doctor gave us heart breaking news...our precious baby son was not going to live. He had a condition called Trisomy 18-an extra 18th chromosome- which causes severe deformities. Garett had a herniated diaphragm which caused his stomach to move up next to his heart, displacing his heart to the right side of his chest. Neither of his kidneys worked properly and he had a large hole in his heart. He also had some physical deformities in his arms, hand and feet. As with all Trisomy 18 babies, he was completely mentally retarded. Our tears followed freely.

The doctor didn't know how long we would have before Garett would pass away and so, we could only take it one day at a time. I praise the Lord for each and every day that He gave me with my son...another day to feel him move, to see him on each ultrasound and to hear his precious heartbeat. Although it was so hard to hear the news that Garett wouldn't live, we knew that God's ways are best and perfect and we just needed to trust Him. We also knew that God gave Garett life for one reason - to bring glory to Himself - and, more than anything, we desired that God be glorified through our son and his testimony of how precious life is...we believe wholeheartedly that Garett brought much glory to God. (The following is a paper that my dad made up and it was actually placed on the bulletin board in the local hospital's maternity ward)
On Friday, October 1st at 4:30 pm, my water broke. Garett held in there through each and every contraction...and I spent most of my time in labor watching his heart rate rise and fall with each contraction. As I began to push, the monitors were turned off. 10 minutes later, at 3:45 a.m on October 2nd, our baby boy, Garett Robert Pichura was born. God had seen fit in those final minutes to take him home to be with Him and he was stillborn.

Garett was a very small baby. He weighed only 2 pounds 3 ounces. He was 13 1/2 inches long and it seemed like most of the length was in his legs. He inherited that from Bryan, I am sure! We were amazed at the dark brown hair on his head (Bryan was born bald and I had very little). His nose came from my side of the family and his toes from Bryan's. Although he had a number of deformities, to us, he was beautiful!
We spent about 2 hours with Garett. The nurse helped me put a gown on him. He looked so precious. We held him and talked to him and we cried...we cried a lot. The hardest part was letting go. I wanted to hold him forever. I wanted him to live. But God plan is best and that was not His plan for Garett. So, through many tears (both sets of grandparents were there too) we prayed and then said goodbye to our sweet baby boy with the promise that we would, one day, see him again. I missed him the moment he left my arms.

I was able to leave the hospital at 5 p.m...less than 24 hours from when I first went in. I was so glad to get out of the hospital, yet my heart was also very heavy as I left. There were two of us who had been admitted the day before, and now, I was the only one leaving.

Garett's funeral service was on October 5th and we were so blessed by all those who came out to encourage us and weep with us. God chose to glorify Himself through Garett dying and we wanted to continue to glorify Him and lift the name of Jesus high at his home-going service. Bryan shared a testimonial of how God had been at work throughout Garett's life in the womb and used the example of John the Baptist leaping inside Elizabeth's womb and how, even then...right from the womb...John was doing what he was called to do...proclaim the Messiah! My dad shared a message on God's place for children in Heaven and we also spent some precious time worshiping the Lord in song...."I Stand in Awe of You", "The Steadfast Love of the Lord" and "It is Well with My Soul". We ended with a trip to the cemetery...it was the hardest part of the day for me...looking at that little 1 1/2 ft. Styrofoam coffin and just having it hit me how real this last few days really were. Bryan's grandma had picked sweetheart roses from her garden...and it was so sweet and fitting...especially in light of a poem that has become really dear to me:

The Master Gardner

The Master Gardner
From Heaven above
Planted a seed
In The Garden Of Love.

And from it there grew
A rosebud small
That never had time
To open at all.

For God in His perfect
And all-wise way
Chose this rose
For His heavenly bouquet.

And great was the joy
Of this tiny rose
To be the one
Our Father chose

To leave earth's garden
For one on high
Where roses bloom always
And never die.

So, while you can't see
Your precious rose bloom,
You know The Great Gardner
From the upper room
Is watching and tending
This wee rose with care,
Tenderly touching
Each petal so fair.

Think of your darling
With the angels above,
Secure and contented
And surrounded by Love,

And remember God blessed
And enriched your lives, too,
For in dying, your darling
Brought Heaven closer to you!
Helen Rice Steiner


I may not have worded everything today the way I did 10 years ago but I am so thankful for God's saving and sustaining grace that gives us hope in the midst of pain and grief. I am so thankful for Garett's life and death, for the lessons we learned, for the ways in which the Lord refined us and grew us and I am so very thankful that has continued to give us trials and to refine us each and every year. While no trial is easy we are learning more and more with each passing year to count them as joy because we see how God has used them for our good and His glory. Part of the song "I Stand in Awe of You" asks the question, "who can fathom the depths of His love?" and, in some ways, the essence of Who God is is so amazing that our finite minds truly cannot fathom all that He is...but we have also seen the beauty of getting more and more glimpses of Who He is through each trial and that has been precious and has caused us to fall deeper in love with our Savior every time!

I'll close with a short letter I wrote to Garett after he died...

Garett,
Sometimes I think of all the things that you will never get to do and all the memories that we will not be able to make together...and my heart is sad. But then I am quickly reminded where you are...in Heaven with Jesus. And I realize that you are doing things that I can only dream of for now, and you are making memories that far exceed any earthly memories. Garett, as your mother I want what is best for you and my heart rejoices greatly that you truly have not only what is best, but what is perfect!

Love,
Mom

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARETT!!!