An Adoption Update

I was asked a couple of months ago if I could do an update on the boys and how things are going...better late than never!:) I still look at the picture above (taken the first day they were taken to the orphanage) and thank the Lord for the work He has done in their lives and in our lives as a family. Hang in there, this is a long one!

Actually, it was the conversations today that reminded me about the fact that we have come so far in the last 16 months but that the "grafting in" still takes time!

Back to that conversation in a minute...I'll give you a quick run through for now. (Some of what I share may seem too "open" and "honest" but I know there are some of you reading this who have just adopted and I am praying that this honesty would encourage you and help as you walk this amazing road!)

Caleb has officially started Kindergarten. I was planning to hold him back till he was 6, but our teacher strongly encouraged us to "go for it" and I am so glad that she did! He is doing amazing at his schoolwork! He has already learned how to tell time (!) and is reading short sentences. He is beyond where some of my other kids were at the exact same age. I truly am blown away! I have also learned, though, that he is a bit of a perfectionist...and if he isn't sure that he is doing it right or is confused, he is quick to tears and just wants to give up! Even in that department...of having self-control of his emotions...he has come so far compared to the first couple of weeks of school.

Speaking of emotions and self control...I wish that all those who saw and knew Caleb when he first came home could see him now. He has blossomed from a whiny, complaining, "grumpy" kid to a little boy full of smiles and laughter. I think a lot of that has come from just knowing "security". He has learned his boundaries and the freedom that comes within those boundaries and the consequences that come from stepping outside of them and he is much more confident. One of the very first phrases (outside of "Jesus loves you" and "Jesus died on the cross for your sins") that we taught him when he came home from Ethiopia was how he should obey: "All the way, right away, and with a happy heart". His life was not characterized by those things for the first couple of months...but boy, have we seen a work done in his heart!!! To God be the glory!

We also continue to glorify the Lord for the relationship that Titus and Caleb have. That first month or so that Caleb was home, Titus wanted little to do with him. Titus became like a different person...quieter, a bit withdrawn...just not his cheerful self. Our hearts broke to see how difficult it was for Titus as he learned the new role of "big brother" and learned to share all that had once been "just his".

Titus has learned his new role well...maybe a bit too well! In fact, he can be one bossy bigger brother! Poor Caleb has had to learn what his "way of escape" is when Titus becomes rude and demanding (and, of course, Titus has learned what happens when he is rude and demanding!). As a whole, though, they LOVE each other! Our house is filled with the laughter of those two! In fact, as I write both boys have their shirts off, winter gloves on, and they are pretending to "box"! I find myself smiling just listening to them laugh!

Caleb notices details...he will be the first one to comment when I paint my toenails..."Mom, your toes are so pretty"...or when I wear a new top or do something different with my hair. He still loves to color and loves to play with cars! And, oh, can that boy sing! He loves music!

On a side note...we still continue to battle, with both of the kids (and more typically Samuel), the value of "stuff". Things are still a bit too easily broken or discarded with little regard to the cost of it or the importance of being a good steward of what they have. We see this with all of our kids, but it continues to be an issue that we have to address especially with Samuel. I am not going to analyze it beyond that.:)

Samuel is doing great! He has completely caught up in his schooling and so he, Grace, and Faith are all in 3rd grade together. SOS (Switched on Schoolhouse) has definitely been a huge challenge for him (there is a lot of reading) and, in the beginning, I was a bit concerned if it was going to work for him. I have no concerns anymore! Comprehension is still weak...but he has a rule that he has to ask me if he doesn't know what a word means (and I have a rule that I have to respond graciously and kindly no matter how many times he asks me!:)).

He started a free hockey program once a week (with Micah) in September and he has just "taken off"...literally. He went from barely being able to stay up to skating backwards! He loves hockey and has got quite the aggressive streak for how much his smile may say otherwise! He has also just about finished his first Boxcar Children book and he is so excited at his accomplishment! This year he is the angel Gabriel in the Christmas program and has been working hard on his lines.

He has a sensitivity to the things of the Lord and truly likes reading his Bible. Today I found him writing down a Bible verse that he had read on our white board: "Lord I give myself to you, my God I trust in You." Psalm 25:1-2. Boy, did that bless my heart.

The road with Samuel has been a bit harder than for Caleb. Habits were formed in him and given time to grow longer than they were in Caleb...he is 3 years older. One of those habits is lying. It's a sin and we deal with it as such...but it is almost like it has been so woven into the fabric of his life, so woven into his daily speech that it's second nature...he does it without even thinking twice about it. We continue to pray that God would give him a heart that loves the truth, a heart that follows Jesus Who is the way, the truth, and the life...we continue to discipline and Biblically encourage him about what to put off and what to put on...but, in the end, we can only be faithful as we wait for the Lord to produce the fruit of truthfulness in his life.

There is so much that our dear son remembers about Ethiopia. So much that was a part of his life just 17 months ago. Though there have been so many changes...there is still much that will take time. Just today I was talking to Samuel and Caleb about the fact that they saw all the Harry Potter movies in Ethiopia (Go figure!). Caleb was so scared by them he had nightmares for the first couple of months he was home with us (I guess there was a scary big "frog") and he told me, even today, that he doesn't want to go back to Ethiopia because he doesn't want to see those "bad" movies!:) We talked today about some of the attitudes of the older kids in the orphanage with them and how they should look at those situations in light of Scripture. It was neat to see the discernment that is growing in their little hearts...but it still does not erase the memories they have....both good and bad.

It does not erase all the nights they slept wherever they could find a place or the hours Samuel walked without shoes on his feet. It does not erase the deep love he has for his "Ethiopia mommy" and the sacrifices she made or the sadness he has when he talks about his "Ethiopia dad" taking his only pair of shoes (we assume, to buy food). The mind holds tightly to certain memories...for better or for worse.

One memory that I pray will never cause him pain or fear again was one he shared today with me. He told me that one of his friends at the orphanage said that parents can send their kids back to Ethiopia if they don't want them. I was quick to let Samuel know that that was NOT true...but then I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to dig a little deeper. I sat down on the floor next to him and looked him in the eyes and said, "Samuel, are you ever afraid that daddy and mommy might send you back to Ethiopia?" His eyes filled with tears and he whispered "Yes...when I keep disobeying I lay in bed at night and I am afraid that you might send me back."

I couldn't believe it. All this time living with us, all this time being one of our children in every way, all this time of telling him how much we love him and we are so glad God put him in our family...planned that he would be a "Pichura" from before the world was created...and all this time, our sweet son has been believing that we could send him back to Ethiopia if we wanted to. Wow. What a sweet blessing it was to hug and hold my son and tell him that we would never send him back. That though he did not grow in my belly, he grew in mommy and daddy's hearts and he would be our son forever. This is his home for always...for Christmas and Thanksgivings, for first girlfriends and grandbabies...we are his and he is ours!

That conversation reminded me that while we have come so far by the grace of God, we still have a ways to go. It takes time. And that's okay. It's so very much like being adopted into God's family. The moment we are saved we become sons and daughters...in fact, we were written in the Book of Life before the foundation of the world. We are His forever! But it's also a process...a process of learning more about our Heavenly Father, a process of learning to trust Him, learning to obey Him, learning to believe every word He says and live by faith in that belief. Every day, we should make it our aim to grow more and more in the grace and knowledge of God...every day we should make it our aim to know more and more of all that it means to be a son and daughter of the King of Kings!

It takes time...and we know that God makes all things beautiful in His time!