So, here I have been seeking to meditate on all that it means to be "Before the face of God" and, all the while, I have been battling my flesh, losing the fight too often, and blaming (in my heart) so many of my actions and reactions on the kids! That is, till God gave me a "heart spanking" today.
As I talked to God today, while folding laundry,I tried to blame hormones, tried to blame hard work assignments and difficult material, and even tried to blame my kids for their complaining, whining spirit this week...but the truth is, hormones don't make me sin, hard work assignments are not the cause of my impatience and lack of compassion, and my kids, in many ways, have been nothing more than a reflection of my own grumbling heart!
The Lord brought to mind Colossians 3:12-17...a passage I have been reading to the kids this past week:
"Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Some of the above description did not describe me. Ouch! My sin truly had nothing to do with hormones, home school, or my kids. It had to do with my own heart. God just used those things to reveal what was in my heart so that I could repent and be refined.
I sat down with the kids, read them the passage in Colossians, and then let them know that mommy was not living out those verses and I was not setting an example for each of them to follow. I apologized to each of my kids individually and then I read from Proverbs 31:26:
"She opens her mouth with wisdom,and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."
I asked that they would pray for me as I pray for them...that they would pray that I would give them wise words and teach with kindness. It was tearful and it was humbling but it was also beautiful...and it was life. A sinner raising sinners...that means I know that what took place at our table will happen again (as it has happened before), I know that we will continue to sin against God and each other. But I also know that we will keep forgiving, loving, and pursuing God and each other...how can we not when we have been forgive, loved, and pursued by God Himself!
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