Remember in 2 Samuel 12 when Nathan came to David (after his affair with Bathsheba and Uriah's subsequent murder) and told him the story of the lamb that was unjustly taken from the poor family. David was outraged over the actions of the selfish rich man who took the lamb; but was quickly confronted by Nathan that HE was that man, having taken Bathsheba away from Uriah.
I was reminded of that same "story telling" principle as I was reading in "The Excellent Wife Day by Day" today. It was rather convicting! :) Here is what the author shares:
"Eric plopped down on the couch and let out an exasperated sigh."What's wrong?" Melanie asked. "Oh, it's Jim at work. The man continually questions everything I do. 'Why are we using that program? Why don't we move the ship date? What did you do that for?' The guy is driving me crazy!" Melanie's jaw dropped open. "Hold it," she said. "Aren't you his boss? Where does he get off questioning you? That is unbelievable! If I were you, I'd fire him!"
Eric smiled and took Melanie's hand in his. "Forgive me, sweetie," he said, "but I just made all that stuff up. Jim is fine. But I wish I could say the same about you." At first Melanie was hurt, but as they talked, she realized that she had gotten into a very bad habit of questioning her husband's judgement about virtually everything. The next day during her quiet time with God, she prayed about it, and realized that she had unknowingly tried to put herself in the driver's seat of their marriage. It was true that Eric had made some bad decisions, and he wasn't exactly an expert in all things. But overall, he had proven himself to be trustworthy. She knew that the real reason she questioned his judgement was simply her desire to be in control.
Melanie had fallen into the trap set up for Eve by Satan, when God declared "Your desire (to control) will be for your husband" (Genesis 3:16). Our lust for control often makes us question our husband's judgement, knowledge, opinions, and decisions. When you question him, what you're really saying is, " I don't respect you enough to trust your decision-making abilities." This will make your husband not only feel you don't respect him, but that you think he's stupid.
If you truly don't understand why he's made a particular decision, it's not wrong to ask for clarification. But you should question your own motives first: Do you have a different idea of how the situation should be handled? Is asking for more information simply a way to introduce your opinions into your husband's decisions?"
Did that hit home at all? I know that there may be exceptions to the "rule of thumb" given above and, there may be issues in your marriage that need outside counsel and wisdom. But, for many women, if you are at all like me...the words above were very much an encouragement to my own "controlling heart". Oh, that God would give us a quietness both of spirit and of mouth as we seek to glorify Him and "do good to our husbands" in our role of wife and helpmeet!
Proverbs 29:11 "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."
1 Peter 3:3-4 "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
Proverbs 18:13 "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame."
Proverbs 11:12 "Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent."
James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger..."
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