I just read the chapter entitled "Process" and my eyes were opened to how much I don't do "process" well. I'm an "event" kind of gal. I like to plan, execute and then check it off my list. Done. I always saw this as just making me a bit of a "Type A" or a "go get 'em" personality. I didn't see it as necessarily a weakness, and I certainly didn't see how that could negatively affect my parenting...but now I know that it can, and in all transparency, it does.
Tripp reminded me that parenting is much like my own salvation: "the power of sin has been broken, but the presence of sin still remains and will be progressively eradicated. The most important word in the last sentence is progressively. Here's what is important to understand: the Father's work of justification is an event, but his work of transformation is literally a life-long process. When justifying you, God is fully aware that he is committing himself to a day-by-day process of illumining, confronting, convicting, forgiving, transforming, and delivering grace."
THAT is the mindset we are to have with our kids (or anyone else, for that matter). Parenting is not an event but a "life-long process of incremental awareness and progressive change". To desire overnight change is what will get us into trouble. It's what gets ME into trouble as a parent. I want to hash it all out...to say all that needs to be said in a given situation. Then I expect my child to hear it all, agree with it all, and immediately repent and change so we never have to tackle that situation again. That is not how my own sanctification works...why would I think that is how growth will occur in my child's heart and life? Of course, when the "results" are not achieved, I can grow frustrated, exhausted and discouraged.
What a needed reminder to my heart as I deal with my own sin, live with my dear husband, seek to parent our children, and be a faithful friend..."change is most often a process and seldom an event". This frees my own heart from the "pressure of needing to get from your child what you are never going to get in a single conversation". And I can rejoice and rest in the many "mini-moments of change"....when God, out of love, will "expose what is wrong with that child again and again so that you will have opportunity after opportunity to take yet another step in the process of awareness, conviction, commitment, and change that he has called you to be part of in the life of your child."
My parenting (and my life!) can often be event oriented, and I was so thankful for the reminder that I must have a process mindset. This process mindset changes the way I face both the ordinary moments of each day and the unexpected...with the same compassionate, patient care that the Lord shows me. What hope and what encouragement!
I love how Tripp described parenting in this chapter...so, I'll leave you with his words:
"Here's what parenting is: it's unfinished people (we parents) being used of God as agents of transformation in the lives of unfinished people. And, yes, it is true that like you, your children will leave your home still unfinished. One of the last things Jesus said to his disciples is that he had many more things to teach them, but they were not at that time able to bear them. So he promised them that he would send another teacher to complete his work. The world's best teacher had a process mentality and because he did, he was willing to leave his work to unfinished people. (John 16:12-15)"
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